Today was sort of a shitty day. Both of us had a partial argument (did I mention how much I hate arguing with her). It was about me coming over in September to visit her. I miss her alot and I would love to hug her physically for as long as I could. That is the whole point of me working my ass off this semester break. However, she decided to not welcome my appearance there, in Brisbane. Honestly, it broke my heart.
I think, think and think for so many hours and I couldn't figure out the reason as to why she suddenly changed her attitude towards me. I was so anxious to know and all she said was I wasn't being reasonable enough and simply wasting money. Seriously? To me, I think my money is worth it on her. I am definitely not simply throwing money away. All I want is just to see her physically and give her a big tight hug.
I understand that she is getting used to the environment there but does that mean she can simply throw me aside after all the things I've done for her? I feel used. I do. But I tell myself that it is worth it. She always tell me that people come and go, love is not everything. What does that suppose to mean huh? I know people come and go all the time, I understand, but in everyone's life, there will be that special someone who walks in and will change his or her life, forever. In my life, that special someone is her. She can't just leave like that. I know she's trying to be mature and stuffs but she is really taking things for granted and it is really pissing me off.
Earlier today she mentioned that she noticed someone cute in her uni that she would like to get to know. A potential boyfriend she calls it. And that is when it hits me of her sudden change of attitude towards my appearance in Brisbane. She is afraid. In fact, I am disappointed that she is actually afraid that I would ruin her chance of getting a new bf. hello??!!! I am not that controlling freak type of ex boyfriend ok! I still do love you and still have feelings for you but I will definitely not stop you from doing whatever you want to do with your romantic life. I just wanna be there for her. I wanna take care of her, cook for her, make sure she eats well and sleeps well. At the same time, I am able to complete my studies in Australia's top 8 universities. So why not? It seems like a win win situation for me. Although I foresee that she will spend most of her time with that guy she likes, I will just be heart broken. That's all. I'm fine with it. I'm able to live with it as long as she's happy with him. Besides, it's only a week she's there and she already have someone after her. How jealous of me. Sigh
She told me today that she is only looking for rich and good looking guys. I was shocked to hear that because it was so materialistic! It is so typical girlish! I never knew she was like that. In fact, I thought she was the opposite. Don't she realize money and looks can always vanish at any moment throughout our lives?? I was heart broken when I heard her discussing this issue with me.
I would like to end today's post of expressing how disappointed I am in her narcissism. Indeed, she is. She is too overconfident. She is always the lime light among her friends. Being pretty, fun, sociable and interesting, she always get the attention that she craves. But! I am utterly disappointed that she actually thinks that my life revolves around her. She thinks that I'm going to Brisbane to study because of her. How lunatic can that be! As a matter of fact, I have been eyeing Brisbane and UK since day one but I don't tell anyone about it. It is to my disappointment that she thinks I am obsessed with her. WHAT THE HELL. Isn't that too much of self-centered?? Nevertheless, I can't do much but to reassure her that I'm not living because of her.
Ps. Sometimes I get so mad that I want to throw her into the sea..but then I realize I will save her anyhow. So what's the point? :/
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